You Are Everything
by kitten4979
Summary: What if Lindsay didn't pick up the phone at the end of Ep 4.19? A bit of A/U Danny/Lindsay angst and drama. Why couldn't I be happy with what TPTB has given us? Because a muse was screaming to be heard...
1. You're Not Sorry

"You don't have to call anymore  
I won't pick up the phone  
This is the last straw  
Don't want to hurt anymore…

…Could'a loved you all my life  
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold  
And you got your share of secrets  
And I'm tired of being last to know"

- Taylor Swift ("You're Not Sorry")

Detective Third Grade Lindsay Monroe walks alone on the streets of the city she has grown to adore. She shivers and pulls her coat tighter around her as the cool spring shower cleanses both the city and her soul. She has always loved taking rain walks. Far from the silence and calm of Bozeman, the energy and noise of the Lower East Side in the late evening usually allows her to clear her jumbled or clouded mind. Now, it will help her mend her mangled and shattered heart. She furiously swipes at the rain drops mixed in with the tears that have run down her cheeks before dropping her head as she grapples with the mess that has become her personal life.

She cannot stand her own foolishness or naivety any longer. She has let her personal horror story soap opera seep into her work for the last time. She knows that her boss has a right to be disappointed in her. Now, she is going to have to figure out how to let it go – all of it. She is going to do it if not for her own sanity, then for the integrity of the lab. She was plucked from obscurity and handpicked by Mac Taylor to work in New York. Work. Not fall in love. Sighing, she knows that she has no other choice; that there is no other way, no alternative, no turning back. She will not let this break her. She is stronger than this. She is not the first and she would be surprised if she is the last.

Frowning, she fumbles with the vibrating distraction in her coat pocket. Glancing at the caller ID, she slowly sucks in her breath at the playful face grinning at her. A pain throbs in her chest as she freezes in the middle of the sidewalk and closes her eyes. She opens them and mumbles apologies to the couple brushing past her before staring at the phone in her hand again. She knew that they would eventually have to talk. She knew that she couldn't avoid him forever. But this was not the time she decides as she presses the 'ignore' button and slips the phone back into her pocket before resuming her lonely journey.


	2. Talk

"So you don't know where you're going and you wanna talk  
And you feel like you're going where you've been before  
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored  
Nothing's really making any sense at all, let's talk  
Let's talk, let's talk, let's talk"

- Coldplay ("Talk")

Danny Messer furrows his brows as his call went to Lindsay's voicemail for the fourth time. It was highly unlike her to not pick up or return his phone calls. He wonders where she is. He hopes that she is safe. He wants her to talk to him again. She has to call him. He is going out of his mind without her. Sighing, he pads to his refrigerator and opens his fifth beer. A little liquid courage before every call never really hurt anyone, he reasons. Then again, perhaps his reasoning is flawed.

For instance, he had known that she was angry, but he had assumed it was still about lunch. He didn't realize what kind of hell and fury he would unleash when he confronted her about her anger. She was angry with herself, not him. She had fallen in love with him, and now she was going to figure out how to let that go. Danny shakes his head as her words roll inside his head. No, they are wrong. Devastatingly wrong. She has to know what she actually meant to him.

Danny jumps at the soft knock on his door. Bleary-eyed and drunk, he stumbles to the call. His heart sinks at the sight of Rikki Sandoval, smiling softly at him. He vaguely comprehends what the petite brunette standing in the hallway is saying. He is tired and the loneliness that weighs down him suddenly feels as though it will crush him. He impulsively invites her in to his apartment. She hesitantly accepts.

She sits stiffly on his couch as her eyes adjust to the dimness of the room. She inquires as to how he has been, only to receive a grunt in reply. She takes a deep breath and gently asks him about Lindsay. She knows that she is his partner at work and one of his closest friends. She thinks that she may have even seen her in the building before. She does not expect the floodgates to open at the mention of her name. She patiently and quietly listens as he begins to talk.


	3. Walk You Home

"Slow down  
What's on your mind?  
It's alright  
I'm on your side  
I hate to see your injury  
I wish that you could transfer all  
Your pain to me  
Stay here  
It's ok to cry  
Let me  
Help you make it right"

- Karmina ("Walk You Home")

She leans over and lightly touches his knee. It will all work out, she assures him. She will eventually come around. She cannot stay mad forever. They work together. They're partners. They're friends. She can't throw that all away. She'd be a fool to do so. They are going to make it. Have a little faith. In her. In him. In them.

He smiles softly at her. He hopes she's right, he sighs as he leans back into the couch. He is tired, he says as he rubs his eyes with the heel of his hands.

She winces. She wishes that she had a magic wand and could fix everything. She cannot stand to see him in so much pain and anguish. She wants to help him out of his black hole of agony and blame he has slipped into. He is on the brink of despair and she is determined to bring him back. She is his friend. She wants to be there for him. And she will. She will not abandon him.

There is no hatred in her heart. She feels no anger or fury at him. For what he has confessed to her. For what he has done. Instead, she feels immense sadness. But not for herself. No, never for herself. She would never allow herself that. No, she feels sadness for the inebriated young detective sitting next to her in his darkened apartment on a rainy New York night.

She sighs. She knows that she should feel shame. She knows that she should feel guilt. Or at least regret for what she has done with him. But she does not. Because for one night, that fateful night, Rikki Sandoval knew what it felt to be loved, even if it as only lust.

Go to bed, she urges him, taking his hand into hers. Sleep. Rest. Tomorrow will be a new day she promises as she kisses him on the cheek.

---

**A/N - **For those who are confused, the "she" with Danny is Rikki Sandoval. Why? Because the muse thinks that everyone deserves to have their side of the story told.


	4. The Chemicals Between Us

"Lying in this bed  
The chemicals displaced  
There is no lonelier place  
Than lying in this bed"

- Bush ("The Chemicals Between Us")

Danny tosses and turns maniacally in his bed. He feels frustratingly restless though his body is thoroughly and achingly exhausted. He knows that he needs to rest, but the more he tries to calm his body and ease his mind, the harder they work against him. All he can do is think of her and how lonely and cold his bed feels without her in it with him.

He never thought that this would happen to him. He had always cherished his freedom. His apartment was a revolving door of women. Tall. Short. Thin. Curvy. Blonde. Brunette. Redhead. It didn't matter. The relationships rarely lasted more than a few dates or months. It wasn't that he didn't care. Deep down, Detective Third Grade Daniel Messer is a romantic at heart. But he just didn't like to be held back, anchored to one woman until he found her – the one. And he didn't plan on finding her any time soon. He is young. He is attractive. The city of New York is his oyster and he was enjoying its pearls.

Then he met her. And his world was turned upside down. He sucks in his breath as he remembers meeting her for the first time. He was taken by her the moment he saw her. She is unlike any woman he's ever met. She is pretty. She is tough. She is funny. She is smart. She is everything he never knew that he always wanted.

His Lindsay.

His Monroe.

His Montana.

He wonders where she is right now. He wonders how she is right now. He wonders if she is thinking of him right now… or if she is making good of her promise – figuring out how to let go of her love for him. He wonders how she would try to do that. Then his body tenses at the thought of her in someone else's arms. In someone else's apartment. In someone else's bed.

He grits his teeth. He punches his pillow. No. He will not let that happen. He will not let her forget him. He will not let her go. He will overcome. He will show her what she means to him. He will make her listen. He will do everything within his power. He will have his Montana back.


	5. A Song For A Friend

"As long as you got me  
And I got you  
You know we'll got a lot to go around  
I'll be your friend  
Your other brother  
Another love to come and comfort you"

- Jason Mraz ("A Song For A Friend")

Stunned, Detective Don Flack slams the brakes in his company-issued SUV on the rain slicked street, causing the vehicle behind him to honk and throw a string of curses at him. He quickly throws the vehicle into park before he loses her. Frowning, Don exits his vehicle and makes a point to show his badge and gun hooked onto his belt at the person yelling at him, who immediately shuts up as they pass him. He shakes his head. Never a dull moment in the streets of the city he loves.

Don stops short when he steps onto the sidewalk, relieved that she did not go far. She smiles amusedly at him, though her eyes look weary and tired. She obviously heard his exchange. He chides her for not having an umbrella. She looks like a drowned rat. Or perhaps a cow was more her preference? She moos at him, causing him to chuckle. What the hell is she doing out here in this miserable weather? Taking a rain walk, she tells him innocently. Catching a cold is more like it, he scolds her as he ushers her into his SUV.

Lindsay slowly buckles herself into the front passenger seat. Don shakes his head at her as he climbs into the driver seat. You're nuts, Monroe, he tells her as he cranks up the heat for her. She smiles softly as her eyelids suddenly grow heavy from the warmth enveloping her. Within minutes, she is sleeping soundly as he weaves through traffic towards her apartment.

He glances over to her periodically during the ride. He grimaces at what he sees. Her face looks gaunt. Her drenched coat hangs loosely on her petite frame. In the last few weeks, he watched as her sunny disposition turned cloudy. Her loud appreciative laughter now turned into a small smile with no humor. He knows without a doubt what has caused this change in his friend. He wants to help her. He wants to be there for her. But he is not sure how.

He gently wakes her as he parks in front of the five story walk up. She invites him up, which he initially declines. But seeing the sadness on her face and weighing on her shoulders, he changes his mind. He realizes that this is his chance. She needs a friend. So he agrees.

They walk up the stairs in silence. She unlocks the door and encourages him to make himself comfortable while she changes into some dry clothes. He nods, making sure to leave his shoes by the door. He takes his coat off and drapes it over the back of a chair before roaming around the tiny dwelling. He glances at pictures in frames on the wall before settling down on her couch. She returns from the bedroom wearing a tank top and baggy sweatpants. Her hair is thrown into a haphazard ponytail. She plops down on the opposite end of the couch and smiles wanly at him.

Talk to me, he pleads to her.


	6. Near To You

"He and I had something beautiful  
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last  
I loved him so but I let him go  
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back…

…Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you"

A Fine Frenzy ("Near To You")

Tears threaten to pour from Lindsay's eyes. She knows that she needs to talk to someone before she breaks down. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. She can't keep living her life as a shell of her former self. She can't keep alienating her friends, her co-workers, her family. She can't keep jeopardizing the integrity of the lab. She takes a deep breath and looks up into her friend's kind, caring blue eyes. His brows are furrowed in concern as he reaches out and pats her hand.

She wonders where to begin. Does she begin with the moment she first laid eyes on the cocky Long Island boy? Or does she start with the night they first slept together? Or perhaps the night Ruben Sandoval died? Should she tell Don about the tongue lashing she had given Danny days earlier? What about when she realized when she had fallen in love with him? Did it matter? It's all over anyway.

Wasn't it? She had told him that she had fallen in love with him and now she was going to figure out how to let it go. He had made no movement after she said that. He had said nothing in return. He was silent. He looked… pained. Her heart stopped and dropped to her toes. Her mouth went gone dry, her throat closed, her eyes began to tear. But she would not give him the satisfaction. She would not let him see her this vulnerable. She left the room and has refused to speak to him since, though he has tried to talk to her on numerous occasions.

But she can't do it. She avoids him. She steers conversations back towards the case they are working on. She can't hear what he has to say to her otherwise. She can't hear what he has to say about what has happened between them. It would make their break up all too real then.

But was he ever really hers to begin with she wonders. They had never made any promises that they would be exclusive, that they would be faithful. Though she knew that she was. She looked forward to all of their time together. She loved every moment spent with him. But did he feel the same way? Of course not, she thinks. Or else he would be here and not Don.

Her head swirls. Her body involuntarily shakes. She bites her lip as the tears she has been holding in for the last week finally fall. Don wraps his arms around her. Just talk to me, Linds, he murmurs softly as he rubs her back while she sobs into his shoulder. Just let it all out. I'm your friend too. I'm here for you.


	7. An Honest Mistake

"Just wanted you to know  
My old friend  
I swear I never meant for this  
I never meant

Don't look at me that way  
It was an honest mistake  
Don't look at me that way  
It was an honest mistake  
An honest mistake"

- The Bravery ("An Honest Mistake")

Don tries his hardest to soothe her as she sobs. He feels amazingly small and helpless. He wonders where Danny is now. That son of a bitch, he thinks angrily. He has no idea what he has done. He has no clue how badly he has broken this woman. He probably thinks that he is guilt free, that his hands are clean of this mess. Love them then leave them, the old Messer way using the old Messer charm. He's more than likely sleeping soundly in his bed right now, Don thinks ruefully. Damn him, that asshole.

Not that Don minds being here consoling Lindsay, but he knows that he should not be the one holding her now. It should be Danny. Danny should be here, not him. Don knows that it is Danny's arms that she would prefer to be around her right now even though he is the reason for her tears.

Don has picked up the broken pieces left behind by Danny numerous times before. More times and more females than he can recall. But this one angers him the most. She does not deserve this, Don thinks. Not that any of them did. This pain. This anguish. This utter agony. He would not wish this upon his worst enemy. Don wants so badly to be able to take her away from this. He can't stand seeing her in this hell created by his best friend.

He thought that his friend would have been different with her. He had seen how doggedly Danny had pursued her. What? Now that he had her, she wasn't good enough for him? She didn't hold his interest? Because the thrill of the chase was over? If only that stupid prick would open his eyes and see what a wonderful person he had in front of him. If only…

It'll be okay, Don assures her. Everything will be all right. Let it out, Lindsay. Let it all out. I'm here for you. I always will be. He means to kiss the top of her head, but she lifts her head at the loud knock on her door. He accidentally kisses her on the lips instead. He doesn't mean for it to happen. No, he would never mean to kiss his best friend's girl. He pulls away bewildered, as though he has been shocked.

He tries to stammer an apology to her. He didn't… He never… He's so… He does not finish his sentence as her lips rest softly on his again, silencing him. I know, she whispers as he closes his eyes and she gently rests her forehead against his. He opens his eyes as they slowly pull apart when they hear her lock slowly click. I know, she says as the door opens.

---

**A/N** - Not sure what was up with the muse today wanting to post multiple chapters, but hopefully you're enjoying it...?


	8. Light In Your Eyes

"I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude  
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use  
But how could I have known girl  
It was time and not space you would need?  
Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know  
But would you believe?

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see  
There's a place in your heart where I used to be  
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me?  
There's a light in your eyes  
Did you leave that light burning for me?"

- Blessid Union of Souls ("Light In Your Eyes")

Lindsay gazes into Don's clear blue eyes as she cups his cheek. She smiles softly at him, grateful that he is here for her. For a moment, she wonders if she could ever love the man sitting across from her as anything more than her friend.

He is kind. He is compassionate. He is fiercely loyal to his friends, to his family and to the force. He is smart. He is witty. He is funny. He is tall. He is handsome. He is a man any woman would be lucky to have.

Don jolts her from her reverie when he takes her hand and kisses her palm. He quickly leans in and kisses the top of her head. I'm here if you need me, he says as he stands up to retrieve his coat. She nods slowly, getting up from the couch.

His butt's not that bad either, she thinks as he walks towards the entryway. But before Don reaches the door, it slowly creaks open. Danny hesitantly pokes his head in and Lindsay feels as though someone has kicked her in the stomach. With one look at her beloved's face, she instantly knows the answer to her question as fresh tears well in her eyes.

No.

She will never love anyone as much as she loves Danny Messer.

Don clears his throat. I'll be leaving, he announces but Danny steps in front of him and growls. Don throws his hands up, not wanting to argue or fight his friend. Danny had assumed that the black SUV parked outside was Lindsay's ride home. The shock he feels at seeing his friend here quickly turns into jealousy and anger as he starts to fire questions. What is he, his best friend, doing here? Is there something going on between them that he did not know about? Is Don trying to move on his girl? What the hell is going on here?

Listening to Danny's barrage of questions, Lindsay suddenly snaps, angry at his accusatory tone. Where the hell did he get off asking them that? What business was it of his? She pushes Don out of the way and gets into Danny's face. Why do you even care? He obviously didn't care about her. He obviously didn't care about them. If he did, he would never have thrown what they had together away and slept with another woman.


	9. Shattered Glass

"Oh baby  
Are you feeling guilty for what you did?  
If you think you're hurting  
You ain't seen nothing yet

Was it really worth it?  
Was she everything that you were looking for?  
(Feel like a man)  
I hope you know that you can't go back  
Cause all we had is broken like shattered glass"

- Britney Spears ("Shattered Glass")

Lindsay angrily glares at the man standing before her; waiting for him to try to deny what she knows is true. She watches as horror spreads across Danny's face. He feels as though he has been kicked in the stomach. He wants to throw up. She knows. How did she know? He's never told anyone. Not even Don. He quickly looks over to his best friend, who is slowly clenching and unclenching his fists. This is going to get ugly.

Don cannot believe the words he just heard Lindsay utter. Danny slept with another woman? No. No. No. That can't be right. He had to have heard that incorrectly. Maybe Don needs some hearing aids. Or at least start cleaning his ears out better. Danny wouldn't do that to her, would he? He's not stupid, is he? Surely, the answer is no to both counts. But judging from Danny's eerie silence, Don groans. Damn it. He did do that to her. He is that stupid. Don suddenly sees red.

Outside. You and me. Right now, Mess, Don demands as he brushes past the petite woman. He stands toe to toe with Danny. You are one stupid son of a bitch and I am going to knock some friggin' sense into you, so help me God. You selfish prick. Why would you do that? How could you?

Lindsay quietly shakes her head as she gently places her hand on Don's arm and pulls him back towards her. Don't, she whispers to him. This is between him and me. This is not your battle to fight for me. She kisses Don on the cheek. It's been a long night. Go home, Don. I'll be all right.

Don turns and cups her cheek. Are you sure? She nods stubbornly. He sighs before quickly kissing her on her forehead. You have my number. You call me if you need anything.

I will, she assures him. Thank you for being here for me, Don. You are a true friend.

Satisfied with one friend's well being but pissed off at the other, Don slowly exits and closes the door softly behind him, leaving Lindsay and Danny staring at each other, alone in her apartment.


	10. Sober

"And I don't know  
This could break my heart or save me  
Nothing's real  
Until you let go completely  
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving  
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me"

- Kelly Clarkson ("Sober")

He reaches out to hold her, but she shrinks away from his touch. The gesture shatters his heart into a million little pieces. He has broken her. Now he needs to fix her. He lays his arms back to his sides.

How did you know, he asks her quietly. When did you know? Why didn't you say anything? Talk to me, Montana. Please. I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. We're going to get through this. You and me. Together. I'm not giving up on us. Maybe you have, but not me.

Lindsay closes her eyes. She actually had no concrete evidence up until tonight. She only had her gut instinct and a wisp of a smell on him. She knows that the smell of another woman's perfume on his skin is no concrete evidence. It could have been an easy transfer from their bodies hugging. Tightly. Intimately. In a passionate embrace. Bodies intertwined. The vision sends shivers down Lindsay's spine.

But she had had no hard evidence. She had nothing, as a good crime scene investigator knows, that could pin him down to this crime. There was no underwear hanging from his bedpost that wasn't hers. He didn't accidentally call her the wrong name in the throes of passion. No, all she had was the scent of a different perfume than hers and the look of guilt on Danny Messer's face when he came into work that day.

And that was enough for her to think that she knew.

But for him to be silent when she accused him of the atrocity tonight in her apartment… she felt as though she was going to be ill. He did not deny it. Then again, how could he deny it if it is the truth? His stillness was not a complete confession. Yet sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Silence is golden… or perhaps it speaks the truth when no one else dares to.

She wants to pummel the man standing before her. He shifts his weight uncomfortably with his hands in his pockets. She wants to scream at him. How could he? Why would he? Didn't she mean anything to him? Or was she just another notch in his bedpost, like she had always feared she would?

She had wanted to be there for him when he needed someone, just like he was for her. She had wanted to be there to hold his hand when he felt vulnerable, just like he had for her. She had wanted so much from him; she had wanted so much to give to him. She had wanted so much to believe that she would be different. That she would be the one that broke the Messer streak.

Instead, she had fallen in love with him and she is still in love with him, despite it all. In her heart, she knows that she will never love anyone else as passionately as she loves this man. Knowing this makes her angry. It makes her sad. It makes her tired. She is tired of being afraid. She is tired of being alone. So she lets him into her head and her heart.


	11. Maybe Someday

"No I won't do it again, I don't want to pretend  
If it can't be like before I've got to let it end  
I don't want what I was I had a change of head  
But maybe someday  
Yeah, maybe someday

I've got to let it go and leave it gone  
Just walk away, stop it going on  
Get too scared to jump if I wait too long  
But maybe someday"

- The Cure ("Maybe Someday")

She wrings her fingers nervously in front of her, refusing to look into his eyes – terrified that it would break her resolve. She inhales deeply. She trembles, wrapping her arms around her torso. She has to do this. For herself, if nothing else.

Seeing how frail and vulnerable his Montana is makes Danny ill, knowing that he is the reason for this. He has grown tired of the distance between them, physically and figuratively. He doesn't care if she hits or curses him. He needs her in his arms now.

She instantly dissolves into another fit of tears as he envelopes her into his strong arms. He strokes her hair and kisses the top of her head. He murmurs into her ear that it will okay. That they will make it through this together. Stronger than ever. He promises.

Being so close to him has pushed all of her rational thoughts out of her mind. Her body automatically conforms with the warmth of his. She feels safe and complete in his arms. Her shoulders relax. The tension tightly wound in her petite frame starts to slowly uncoil. Maybe… just maybe… When the sobs subside, she nuzzles his neck and inhales deeply, trying to soak in his scent.

Her body stiffens. She pushes away from him, her eyes wide with shock. He tries to read her face, cupped in his hands. He tries to pull her back into his embrace, but is surprised at her resistance. She wrestles herself away from his grip. She is too broken, too tired to feel anger at him.

You still smell like her, she tells him woefully.

Danny blinks rapidly. He can explain. It was just a hug. Nothing more. Nothing happened.

Lindsay shakes her head sadly. She can't do this anymore. She has to let him go. She has to move on.

He pleads with her. He begs. Give him another chance. Please. He swears that nothing happened. That nothing ever will again. They're just friends now. It was a one night mistake. It was nothing. Please, Montana. Listen to me. It only happened once. It was after Ruben died. I can't be without you. I'm sorry.

She wants to believe him. But she can't. Maybe they aren't meant to be after all. If they were, wouldn't he have sought solace in her instead of another woman after Ruben died? She tried to be there for him however she could. She's sorry she's an emotional cripple. She's sorry she wasn't good enough for him in his time of need. She's sorry that she was wrong about their relationship.

He cringes before slumping his shoulders in the agony of defeat. Please. Just one more chance. That's all he asks.

She bites her lip, she cannot give it to him.

---

**A/N - **Dear reader, please do not flame me...


	12. Hold On

"Hold on  
Hold on to yourself  
This is gonna hurt like hell  
Hold on  
Hold on to yourself  
You know that only time will tell"

- Sarah McLachlan ("Hold On")

She isn't sure which was worse – the false sympathetic smiles or the smug smirks. Word has somehow spread around the lab. She can hear the whispers, the callous remarks. How they had known it was only a matter of time before he tired of her. How they never saw what was so special about her in the first place. How it good it is to see Danny Messer, resident bad boy and hottie, is back on the market. How they hope that they're next.

She bites her tongue and quietly goes about her work, though everything she hears is like a kick in her stomach, forcefully pushing out the air in her lungs. By lunch, she is ready to crumble. She knows that they are right. It was only a matter of time before he tired of her. There is nothing special about her. His independence has been restored; he is free again. One of them will probably be next. And she will have to sit back and watch in silence. In pain. In agony. Because she pushed him away.

Exhausted and grateful when her shift is finally over, she quickly makes her way to the locker room. Though she is not looking forward to sleeping in her lonely bed, she is glad to get away from the prying eyes and slivered tongues. Replaying the snide comments overheard throughout the day causes her vision to blur with tears. Horrified, she keeps her head down as she walks. She will not let them see her cry. She is stronger than this. She is above them. She does not slow her gait until she is in the safety of the locker room, where she promptly runs right into his solid chest.

He mumbles an apology to her and quickly tries to get out of her way. The awkward interaction between them shocks and saddens her. The warmth and comfort are gone. Their familiarity is now painfully strained. Their relaxed banter has been reduced to icy formalities. But this is what she wanted, she tells herself. And this is what she will have to live with. She sinks onto a bench and allows her tears to fall.

Hearing her quiet sobs, he turns and sits next to her. He wraps his arms around her and comforts her, running his fingers through her hair. It'll be okay. Don't listen to them, he tells her. They don't know what they're talking about. I meant every word I said last night. I will win your trust back. I will wait for you. Whenever you are ready, I will be here. I cannot be without you, Montana. Believe in me. Lindsay nods weakly. He kisses the top of her head. Believe in us.


	13. Just To See You Smile

"When you said time was all you really needed  
I walked away and let you have your space  
Cuz leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly  
As the tears I saw rollin' down your face…

…Just to see you smile  
I'd do anything  
That you wanted me to  
And all is said and done  
I'd never count the cost  
It's worth all that's lost  
Just to see you smile"

Tim McGraw ("Just To See You Smile")

He is determined. He will have her. He will do whatever it takes, no matter how much it destroys him. That was why he had every intention of honoring her wishes. To give her time, to give her space. To let her think, to let her heal by herself.

He feels the hungry eyes focused on his every move. He sees the predatory glint in their eyes and how they lick their lips in appreciation when he walks past them. He notices the lingering touches and the way they bat their eyes when he passes a report to them. He knows that these women are putty in his hands and this should make him insanely happy. Yet, he ignores their advances. All of them.

Rebuffed, they hiss and whisper in retaliation. It was only a matter of time, the rumors swirl. She is a shrew, a harpy. There's nothing special about her. Why would someone as attractive as him want to tie himself down with someone so plain, they spit venomously. They mock her accent. They ridicule her mannerisms. They ironically showcase their worst sides to him. And though it angers him to hear the vicious lies, he will not stoop to their level. No matter how much it is killing him to hear them tear his Montana down; he will take the high road.

Because he wants to hear only one voice and feel only one set of eyes on him and he does not want to cause her any more hurt. So he does not comment on what has happened between them. He does not want her to be a part of any more office fodder. He cares for her too much – which is also why he puts aside his selfish need to be near her and avoids her all day. It is torture, but he will endure it in the hopes of winning her heart back.

But he decides that it is bullshit as he holds her close in the locker room. As he kisses the top of her head, he resolves that he is never going to leave her alone ever again. No way in hell.

---

**A/N - **Thank you to ALL of my reviewers and readers. You all rock!


	14. Come On Get Higher

"I miss the sound of your voice  
And I miss the rush of your skin  
And I miss the still of the silence  
As you breathe out and I breathe in…

…I miss the sound of your voice  
Loudest thing in my head  
And I ache to remember  
All the violent, sweet  
Perfect words that you said"

- Matt Nathanson ("Come On Get Higher")

This is where she belongs. This is where she is happiest. This is where she is safest. This is her home. Inside Danny Messer's warm and loving embrace. Inhaling his intoxicating scent. Feeling the tickle of his breath on her ear. Sending shivers down her spine. Electrifying her by his mere presence. There is no outer world. There is only her. And there is only him.

What should be simple is made difficult as her wounded, romantic heart savagely battles with her logical, scientific head. Her heart believes all of the promises he has made but her head tells her that they are empty words. Her heart feels complete with him but her head questions if she completes him. Her heart proclaims that she loves him but her head will not allow her say the words out loud.

Yet, in spite her inner turmoil, she at least knows that this much is true. She can't even make it through twenty four hours without him, how is supposed to make it through the rest of her life? Therein lays her answer. She cannot. And she will not.

She releases her grip on his shirt and gingerly lifts her head from his chest. She searches his eyes as he tenderly wipes the tears from her face. He gives her a lopsided grin that she knows is reserved only for her. Before her head can react, she snakes her arms around his neck and pulls him in for a gentle kiss.

---

**A/N **- While I'm still not overjoyed with Danny and what he did to our lovely heroine, I felt compelled to throw him a bone after watching him in 5.17 ("Green Piece"). But don't expect a happy fairy tale ending from me just yet, dear reader...


	15. I Will Be Waiting

"Someday I'll find you  
And I'll catch you  
When you look my way  
Someday you won't be afraid  
And find the words to say  
They were always there anyway  
And I will be waiting  
'Cause I will be waiting"

- Kelly Sweet ("I Will Be Waiting")

His brain stops as he tries to remember to breathe. She is in the safety and security of his arms. Right here. Right now. This is what he wants, isn't it? What he craves? What he yearns for? What he needs? He closes his eyes in ecstasy as he draws her closer to him.

But as his body reacts to her, his mind kick starts again. He attempts to suppress his carnal urges. This is not part of his plan, the greater plan. To give her the time and space she justifiably requested. To woo her in every way possibly imaginable. To make her his and wake up next to her every day for the rest of his life.

And even though as great as this feels, this is not right. This is not the time. This is not the way. This is not how he wants it. This is not what she deserves.

However, he cannot deny that he loves the sweet taste of her lips upon his. That he relishes the warmth of her body pressed against his. That the electricity and attraction between them is undeniable. That he feels complete only with her.

Every fiber within his being knows that they belong together. That they make sense. That he can be the man she's always wanted. That he is that man.

This is why he will wait until the end of time, if necessary, but hopefully not that long, for her. And that when the time comes that she is ready, that he will not hesitate. He will not stumble. He will not falter. He will not fail.

No, not this time. Because he now knows that this is more than any stupid, silly school boy crush. This, in his arms, is more precious than any jewel or reward. This is everything he never knew he ever wanted. This is his life.

So he regretfully pulls away from her embrace and stares deeply into her large chocolate brown eyes. He sees the pain that he has inflicted upon her in them. He feels the burden of sadness in her shoulders. He softly brushes a stray tendril from her face. He kisses her forehead lovingly.

He will not push. He will not force. He will not hurry. He will be faithful. He will be waiting.


	16. The Scientist

"Come up to meet you  
Tell you I'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you  
Tell you I need you  
Tell you I set you apart

Tell me your secrets  
And ask me your questions  
Oh let's go back to the start

Runnin' in circles  
Comin' up tails  
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy  
It's such a shame for us to part  
Nobody said it was easy  
No one ever said it would be this hard  
Oh take me back to the start"

- Coldplay ("The Scientist")

He doesn't want to do anything too brash or bold, like he usually is. Though that is what makes Danny Messer the man that he is. He is smart. He is arrogant. He is charming. Rolled together with his bad boy past, boyish good looks, a rakish smile and clear blue eyes, it is difficult for any woman to resist his wiles once he sets his sights on them. Therefore, it is no wonder that he has seduced plenty of women in the past with his blessed features. But now, he is on unfamiliar territory. He is unsure of how to use his skills or talents this time around.

He ponders how to pursue a woman he is in love with. He must plan this out to perfection. Long ago, Mac had told him that it could happen to him. Marriage. Love. Danny had actually reprimanded his boss, telling him not to joke about that. That it wasn't funny. Love. Marriage. Those were two words that usually sent him scurrying for his clothes, running for the door with empty promises to call later. But then Lindsay Monroe walked into his life and turned his world upside down. He became infatuated with this one woman. He felt things he had never felt before her. Heck, he even almost asked her to marry him in the middle of a crime scene once.

He had wanted so badly to hate her when he first laid eyes on her. It was nothing personal. But his loyalties lay with Aiden Burn. She was a good cop and a damn fine investigator, even if she did bend the rules a little too far this time. Danny was determined that no matter who Mac hired to replace his good friend and former partner, they were never going to be good enough. Little did he know that in the end, he would fear that he wasn't good enough for her.

So after months of pursuing, after months of building trust with her, he strayed. He slipped back into his old life. He can claim that he did not realize how serious that they had become or that she was unable to support him emotionally, that she did not understand. But he knows that that is not the truth. Because the truth is that he was scared. Scared of wanting someone the way he wanted her. The feeling shook him to his very core. And then fear consumed him. Fear that she did not feel the same way about him. The feeling made him sick to his stomach. Then hatred. Hatred for her making him feel this way – vulnerable and insecure. The feeling blinded him with rage. Without thinking, without feeling, he punished her, cutting her so deeply he is unsure if she will ever fully heal.

But he hopes. So he starts off small with little gestures here and there. Little reminders, really. Reminders of how they were before the fallout, before they fell from grace. He catches her eye during briefings and holds her gaze. He throws her a small smile from across the lab. He drawls out her nickname to get her attention. He tries to be as close to her as humanly possible without actually touching her. All of this to reassure her that he is there. That he will always be there.

---

**A/N - **Thank you to everyone who reads and/or reviews, but a special and huge thank you to **afrozenheart412** for kick starting my muse again!


	17. Good Enough

"Hey, your glass is empty  
It's a hell of a long way home  
Why don't you let me take you  
It's no good to go alone  
I never would have opened up  
But you seem so real to me  
And after all the bullshit I have heard  
It's refreshing not to see  
That I don't have to pretend she doesn't expect it from me"

- Sarah McLachlan ("Good Enough")

He opens the door to Sullivan's for her and watches as she glides gracefully into the darkened and crowded bar. He silently follows her towards their usual table near the back of the room, motioning to the bartender for a pitcher of beer with eight glasses. It has been a long week, but one that justifies a celebration. A crazed taxi driving maniac murderer is finally bars and the city he loves is safe again. He lets out a large sigh as he plops down on the stool across from her at the large rectangular table, eliciting a giggle from her. He smirks at her as he loosens his tie and undoes the top button of his shirt. You got a problem, Monroe? Unlike some people on the team, he takes pride in his appearance, he chides her.

She smiles and rolls her eyes at him as the waitress places their order in front of them. He chuckles with her as he pours their pints. They clink their glasses together in a toast before taking sips of their beer. To them, for being such badasses that it hurts. He receives a full appreciative laugh from her, which makes him grin even wider. Relief washes over him as watches her take a large sip of the amber liquid before taking his own drink. He is glad to see that the color is returning to her cheeks, the light in her eyes shining brighter with each day that passes. The Lindsay Monroe he met by the tiger cage years ago at the Bronx Zoo is slowly returning.

It has been a month since that fateful night in her apartment. He has heard the gossip rippling through the lab when he passes through. It angers him to hear the slanderous words murmured about the sweet country girl from Montana. Danny Messer is no saint. If only those catty women could see that. He can see that the rumors bother the rest of the team as well, especially Stella Bonasera. He notices her murderous glares at the women whenever they utter a defaming word about the young CSI. But they all take Danny and Lindsay's leads. They do not acknowledge the talk. They are a team. They are family. They are better than this. No one knows the truth except for Danny and Lindsay… and him.

And Don respects their privacy. He does not gossip. He does not breathe a word to a single soul, even though he is aware that the wrath of Stella is impending upon him. Besides, he only knows a portion of the story. Not even a chapter, maybe a paragraph at the most. So he lets the couple work out their problem on their own. His two friends know that he is there for them if they ever need him, even though he would still like to knock his best friend's teeth out on occasion.

Lindsay clears her throat. He can see that there is a question in her large brown eyes. Cow got your tongue, he asks. She throws him a playful sneer and sticks her tongue out at him. As they wait for the rest of the group to show, they make small talk. After a few pleasantries are thrown in, she tosses him a question he is not expecting. How is his progress with Detective Angell?

He nearly chokes on his beer. Where did she get that idea? She simply shrugs that she's heard things. He shakes his head at her, she of all people should know better than to listen to the water cooler gossip. He instantly regrets his words, expecting the light in her eyes to extinguish. Instead, she laughs merrily at him, that's why she's going directly to the source, Detective.

He likes Lindsay's honesty, he welcomes it. And he knows what he says to her will stay between them. He refills her glass and proceeds to open up to her. He likes Jess. She's tough. She's funny. She understands him. She keeps him in line. But he's hesitant. He's seen what happens to couples in the work place. He doesn't want to be part of the rumor mill. Besides, he's not sure if she feels the same way about him. Lindsay nods in understanding. She reaches across the table and pats his hand. Take it slow, she advises. All good things come to those who wait, she tells him before spotting the rest of the team walk through Sullivan's door.


	18. Friends In Low Places

"I guess I was wrong  
I just don't belong  
But then, I've been there before  
And everything is alright  
I'll just say goodnight  
And I'll show myself to the door  
I didn't mean to cause a big scene  
Just wait 'til I finish this glass  
Then sweet little lady  
I'll head back to the bar  
And you can kiss my ass"

- Garth Brooks ("Friends in Low Places")

Kendall Novak is not sure why she is following her co-workers to Sullivan's. She doesn't really know them. She doesn't really like them. But she is lonely. The lab has become empty since she and Adam Ross have been split into two different shifts. She misses their antagonizing relationship, their friendly banter. It does not help that he has been sent out to the field more often either. She misses having him as an ally in a lab full of petty differences.

Without him around, she fades into the background. She goes to the lab everyday and does her work quietly. No one really notices her anymore. So she is surprised when one of the techs invites her to go out with them tonight after their shift is over. Kendall knows that Mac Taylor's team will be at Sullivan's tonight as well. So Adam will be there. She accepts the invitation.

She scans the room once they enter the bar and sees Lindsay and Don sitting together near the back, deep in private conversation. Unfortunately, the other techs notice as well just as Lindsay reaches across the table and pats Don's hand. They scoff from the bar. Really? She gets dumped by Messer so she moves on to his best friend? How desperate can a girl get? She needs to get a life. Move back to Montana. Get over herself. Really. Have some self-respect. Not that Don isn't nice to look at…

Kendall sips her beer silently as she drowns them out. She does not know Lindsay very well, having only worked a few cases with her. But from what she has experienced from their little interaction is that the young CSI is polite and charming. Not at all arrogant or demanding. Very sweet and honestly nice, almost to a fault. But before Kendall can voice her opinion, the door to the bar opens again. She watches as Sheldon Hawkes walks in, followed by Stella and Mac. She suppresses a sigh. Maybe he is not coming after all.

She feels a twinge of jealousy as Don pours the three newcomers glasses of beer. She suddenly realizes that she longs to be part of a team as close as them. She wants to be a part of their team. But she does not feel comfortable joining the table. It is not that they have ever made her feel unwelcome. In fact, it is the complete opposite. Ever since her first day, they have embraced her. But since Adam moved on, Kendall does not feel as confident around them unless there is a case to talk about. So she stays by the bar, only half listening to the techs gripe.

Then he walks in. With Detective Angell. Kendall frowns. She can't compete with that, a tall dark haired beauty. They are laughing, sharing a private joke as they pass the bar. But Adam spots her as he takes a seat next to Stella. And he grins at her. She feels her heart flutter. He motions for her to join them at their table. She is torn. She feels obligated to stay with the techs at the bar, but then she hears one of their snide comments.

Why is Adam Ross looking over here? He's such a loser. And a kiss ass at that. Like he thinks that he even has a chance with any of us. Like he has a chance with any woman. He's such a dork. With his comic books and stuttering. Kendall's eyes widen and her jaw drops at the unprovoked attack, as though dragging Lindsay's name through mud wasn't enough for them. She sees red as her blood pressure rises. How dare they?

She finishes her drink and whips her head at the group. She is tired of listening to all of their bitching and moaning. She is sick of hearing their slanderous words about perfectly nice people who have done absolutely nothing but be kind to them. If they think that Danny Messer would want to hook up with any of them after hearing all of the crap they have spewed for the last month, they are certifiably delusional. Lindsay Monroe is a better person than all of them combined. She is compassionate. She is thoughtful. She is caring. Maybe that's why Danny chose to be with her and not them. Have they ever thought about that? Do they even think at all? Oh, and Adam Ross may be a dork, but he is a better friend and tech than any one of them on his worst day.

She turns and leaves the flabbergasted group at the bar. There will be hell to pay tomorrow morning, but right now, she does not care. She needs to get away from them. She prepares to leave, but is surprised to find that she has caught the attention of the table she longs to join. There is a look of shock on all of their faces. Was she really that loud? They call out her name and wave her over. She walks sheepishly to them. They smile at her. It looks like she could use a refill, Don says as he fills her empty glass.

---

**A/N - **Like it? Hate it? Reviews help and keep the muse happy.


	19. High

"And when I see you happy as a girl  
That swims in a world of magic show  
It makes me bite my fingers through  
To think I could've let you go…

… And when I see you happy as a girl  
That lives in a world of make believe  
It makes me pull my hair all out  
To think I could've let you leave"

- The Cure ("High")

Danny finally shuts down his computer for the night. He sighs as he runs his fingers through his short hair. He is the last man left, the only one still stuck at the lab. He quickly checks his watch as he hurries into the locker room to grab his coat. He glances at the darkened offices, pretty sure that he saw Stella leave with Mac and Sheldon about an hour ago. Then Adam escorted Jess out of the lab thirty minutes after that. Crap. That means that he is going to be last one to show, therefore, the team's tab tonight was on him. Stupid shift schedule. Unless… No. Not likely. At least, he hopes not.

A pang of jealousy had rippled through him when Don had appeared at the doorway of his and Lindsay's shared office and asked if she was ready to go. She had smiled brightly and nodded, noting that they had to stop by the locker room for her to grab her jacket and bag. She shut down her own computer before waving goodbye to him and following Don down the hallway. That was two hours ago. Two long, agonizing hours ago. Who knows where they could be now. They could be anywhere in the great city of New York. But Don had assured him that he would see them at Sullivan's with the rest of the group when he got off work.

Danny anxiously hits the 'down' button on the elevator. Why is this contraption working so slow tonight? He fidgets mercilessly, shifting his weight from side to side. His worries increase with each passing second. What if she's drunk and goes home with another man tonight because Don wasn't watching her closely enough? Or Don actually allows her go home with another man as a form of revenge because he's still mad at him? Or… what if she goes home with Don?

The thought angers Danny into action. He forcefully pushes open the fire escape stairwell door and flies down the thirty flights of stairs. The images of Lindsay wrapped in Don's embrace sear into his mind, though he knows that he is being irrational, that the fear is unfounded, and that the two of them would never… But that does not deter him. He has to get to Sullivan's now. His legs scream in protest when he finally reaches the lobby. But rather than give them reprieve and wait for a cab that he knows is now safe to take, he decides to jog the five blocks to Sullivan's instead, his messenger bag containing his laptop smacking his backside with every step.

Sweating and out of breath, he skids to a stop in front of the bar. Relieved, he takes a moment to let his heart rate lower and stabilize his breathing before opening the door and entering the building. He is greeted by the sight of his surrogate family laughing and enjoying each other's company at their usual table, in the back of the bar near the jukebox. Don, Jess, Sheldon, Mac, Stella, Adam… Danny grins when he notices that Kendall is sitting next to Adam at their table tonight. And on the other side of Kendall is his Lindsay.

He focuses on her as he approaches the table. She throws her head back in appreciative laughter as Adam and Kendall relay a story to her. He licks his lips at the smooth gracefulness of her neck. He smirks as her warm brown eyes sparkle with mischief at the group. He groans as she licks her lips after taking a sip from her glass. How could he be so dumb?

He begins to wonder, is a month too soon? He knows that he needs to regain her trust in him before they can start anything romantic again. But his patience is starting to wane. He can't help it. He knows that it is not her fault that she is pushing him over the edge. His desire for her now makes his first attempt with her look like an innocent schoolboy crush. After breathing her, tasting her, being inside her… he is going insane. She is better than any fantasy he has ever attempted to make up. Surely, she knows how sorry he is. Surely, she knows how much she means to him. Surely, if he asked her to get dinner with him one night she would go… right? As he reaches the table, he boldly takes the empty stool next to her. There is only one way to find out, he decides. And tonight is the night.


	20. Home

"Even now when I'm alone  
I've always known with you  
I am home

For me it's a glance  
And the smile on your face  
The touch of your hands  
And honest embrace  
For where I lay it's you I keep  
This changing world I fall asleep  
With you all I know is I'm coming home  
Coming home"

- Vanessa Carlton ("Home")

Lindsay eyes light up brighter as she smiles warmly at Danny, taking a seat next to her. He rewards her with the lopsided grin reserved only for her. He feels his stomach clench while he takes in her beauty. Her cheeks are flush with color, her eyes glassy from tears of laughter. For a moment, the room falls away. There is only him. There is only her. He reaches out to brush the stray tendril from her face and cups her cheek gently. Her smile softens as she looks deeply into his clear blue eyes.

A soft cough from Don brings them out of their reverie, causing Lindsay's cheeks to redden a shade darker. She releases herself from the power of Danny's gaze. Would Danny like a room or a beer? Danny regretfully tears his eyes away from Lindsay to frown at Don, who passes him a full glass to him. He has some catching up to do. Monroe's already on her sixth. Danny raises his eyebrows. Her sixth? In two hours? What was Don trying to do? Get her to go…?

Before Danny can complete his thought, he catches Lindsay roll her eyes. Third, Don. Unlike him, she is responsible and spaces her drinks so she won't be crying in corner begging for her momma later tonight. Her comment elicits a roar of laughter from the table. It's on, Monroe, Don smirks at her. Bring it, she challenges. That's his fearless country girl.

The evening flies by quickly. Beers are poured, dinners eaten, shots are taken. Laughter, stories, and histories are shared. This is what they need. A chance to talk. A chance to breathe. A chance to catch up. It is a night of reprieve. It is a night together. It is a night with loved ones. This is something they have not had a chance to do since celebrating the life of their fallen friend Aiden.

The mood is light and jovial until Mac clears his throat lightly as he rises from the table. It's getting late and he is on the six a.m. shift tomorrow morning. As he is wishing his team a good evening, Stella pops up from her seat next to him. She better get going as well. She's on the nine a.m. and will split a cab with him. From there, the group slowly breaks off as they make their ways home. Sheldon leaves next, followed by Adam and Kendall. Then Don and Jess, which makes Danny cock an eyebrow at his friend. Don merely shakes his head and pats Danny on the back. He thanks Danny for the drinks and wishes him and Lindsay a good night as he guides Jess towards the door.

Danny sighs. He is alone. With Lindsay. In a crowded bar. She plays with her glass nervously. He fidgets, unsure what to do, though he knows he is being stupid again. They share an office. They've been alone in the lab before. This is not the first time it's been just him and Montana. Why is he acting like such a putz?

He is about to open his mouth when she suddenly announces that she better call it a night as well. She's not on the early shift by any means, but she will be on call. Disappointed, he nods in agreement. Wait for him to settle the tab and he'll… what? Split a cab with her? Walk her to the subway? Kiss her senseless? Make sweet love to her all night? Make an honest woman out of her if she'll have him? Have lots of babies with her? Worship her for the rest of his life?

He meets her on the curb outside of Sullivan's. He shoves his hands in his pockets as he rocks back and forth on his heels. She smiles softly at him. She tries to bid him a good night but he notices that she is shivering from the slight breeze in her thin jacket. He shrugs out of his own and wraps it around her tiny shoulders. Come on, he says as he takes her hand in his. I'll walk you home.


	21. On Fire

"But everything inside you knows there's more than what you've heard  
There's so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words

And you're on fire when he's near you  
You're on fire when he speaks  
You're on fire burning at these mysteries…

…You are the hope I have for change  
You are the only chance I'll take"

- Switchfoot ("On Fire")

She opens her mouth to protest, she can take a cab or the subway. There's no need for him to escort her home. But the words fail her when he entwines his fingers with hers. She marvels at how a simple touch, a tiny gesture can send shivers down her spine. She wonders if she will always feel like this whenever he is near. She cannot deny that she still feels butterflies in her stomach whenever he looks at her with her favorite lopsided smile. Like the one he is giving her right now.

He grins widely as he tugs her arm, swinging it gently between them. Are you coming, Montana, he chides her. Or is he going to have to carry her majesty Sleeping Beauty back to her castle?

Though he is lithe and no ninety pound weakling, the image of Danny carrying her on his back with two laptop messenger bags thrown across his torso causes her to burst into laughter. She never said that she was tired, she reminds him as she wraps his jacket tighter around her petite frame, just that she better call it a night.

Danny loosens his grip on her hand and takes a small step away from her. He is silent as his eyes drop to the pavement. She senses his body suddenly stiffen and tense. She can see that questions play at the tip of his tongue, but he will not voice them. She knows that he cannot wait for her forever even though he promised that he would. She is eventually going to have to take a leap of faith and put her trust in him. In them.

Lindsay tightens her grasp on his fingers and pulls him back, facing her. She cups her hand on his cheek and gazes deeply into his eyes, reading all of the pain and anguish in them. She is tired of being afraid. She is tired of hurting – both herself and him. She knows that there is no one else in this world, in this lifetime that can make her feel the way she does when she is with him. She takes a step, closing the gap between them. Stop overanalyzing, Danny, she whispers before kissing him softly on the lips.


	22. The Kiss

"I know we don't belong  
Everyone says it's wrong  
We come from different ways  
So I tried to erase everything that I felt  
That I felt

Then you kiss me and suddenly I don't care any more  
Something in me tells me you're the one I'm looking for  
Then you kiss me and suddenly I don't care any more  
Something in me tells me you're the one I'm looking for…

…Palm to palm  
Let lips do what hands do  
They pray  
Is it a sin  
To do what we want to?  
Don't care where we've been  
Give me my sin again"

- Karmina ("The Kiss")

He is pleasantly surprised that she does not pull away immediately like he expects. He has not felt her lips against his since he found her in the locker room a month ago. He wants to give her time. He wants her to be sure. He has been waiting for her to give him a signal, a sign. He is not sure if this kiss is what he has been looking for, so he hedges his bets as he deepens the kiss.

He is in ecstasy when her lips part to allow his tongue entry. He savors the delicious taste of her. He inhales her sweet scent. His need and desire for her pushes out all reasonable and rational thoughts from his mind. He could not stop now if he wanted to, and he is pretty confident that she feels the same.

He squeezes her hand while his free hand grazes her hip as it travels up to her face. Her hand on his cheek snaking its way to his neck to play with his short hair. Their tongues tangle and tease, probing, searching each other's mouths, getting reacquainted. He strokes her cheek lovingly, wiping away a stray tear of joy before becoming entangled in her hair.

She releases his hand to lightly graze his well toned stomach and strong chest before wrapping both arms around his neck, pulling nearer, hungrily deepening the kiss further, his jacket falling to the pavement with a quiet thud. Instinctively, he pulls her hips closer to him, their bodies molding together. She moans softly, the intensity of the kiss making her dizzy with bliss.

He wonders how he could ever let this go. This thing of grace. This thing of beauty. The world is falling away from them. The raucous noise of New York City fades into the background. There is only them in this perfect world.

---

**A/N - **I thought I'd butter you up with two happy chapter before I break the news... Apologies, my dearest reader. The internet at my house has been spotty lately, so I have not be able to update as often as I'd like. Hopefully, the problem will be fixed soon, otherwise, I will be posting multiple chapters when I can gain access to the web. Love you all for reading and for the kind reviews. And no, the angst isn't over... yet.


	23. I'd Rather Be In Love

"Turn out the lights now  
To see is to believe  
I just want you near me  
I just want you here with me  
And I'd give up everything only for you  
It's the least that I could do"

- Michelle Branch ("I'd Rather Be in Love")

She pulls away from him, breaking their passionate kiss. Confusion clouds his cobalt eyes, though their bodies are still melded together, conformed in perfection. She has a sudden urge to play pool, she announces boldly. His eyebrows cock in amusement. How funny, he happens to know a place where they can play pool any time of the day. Grabbing her hand, he eagerly leads her off the curb to hail a cab. She giggles at him, wait, she has to pick up his coat. Forget the coat, he says as he holds open the door for her. She rolls her eyes as she goes back to grab the discarded garment and wrap it around her shoulders again.

They are silent during the ride back to his apartment. Their fingers entangled, her head resting on his shoulder most of the way. She sneaks smells of his coat and his neck, savoring the nearness of him. He kisses their conjoined hands and top of her head from time to time, murmuring into her ear that he has missed her. Though he longs to say the words, he cannot bring himself to tell her that he loves her. Not yet. He does not want to frighten her. They are still slowly finding their way back, falling into a comfortable rhythm, feeling safe and secure in the other's presence.

Lindsay waits on the curb excitedly, bouncing from side to side as Danny pays the driver. He takes her hand again and guides her inside the building. Nervousness and tension are mounting. The anticipation is arousing all five of their senses. In the quiet, confined space of the elevator, they both quietly recall what happened the last time they played pool in his apartment, wondering and hoping if tonight will be an encore performance. The night that they become whole. The night they become complete.

As they rush out of the elevator and towards Danny's door, a familiar scent assaults Lindsay. Danny opens his door and ushers Lindsay inside as he nods to the dark haired woman passing them in the hallway, taking out her trash for the evening. He bids her a good evening as she does the same before he hurriedly shuts his door. He clicks the lights on, is she ready for some pool?

It suddenly occurs to Lindsay why she recognizes the perfume. A mixture of emotions rolls over her. She now has a name and face to place with the smell. Does she feel anger? Does she feel jealousy? Can she really blame either Danny or Rikki Sandoval for finding solace in each other? Her head spins violently, her shoulders slump slightly. No, she decides, she suddenly feels tired. Can he please just hold her tonight?


	24. One Sweet Love

"Just about the time the shadows call  
I undress my mind and dare you to follow  
Paint a portrait of my mystery  
Only close my eyes and you are here with me…

…The earth that is the space between  
I'd banish it from under me  
To get to you  
Your unexpected love provides  
My solitary's suicide"

- Sara Bareilles ("One Sweet Love")

Danny senses the change in Lindsay's demeanor; he can see the anguish play across her delicate features, the light dimming slightly in her eyes, the slump of her shoulders. Of all of the nights to run into Rikki in the hallways… of course it is the night that Lindsay decides to let him back in. He hangs his head in remorse. An innocent greeting in the hallway, but he knows. He can tell that Lindsay now knows who he committed his crime with. The smell of Rikki's perfume is undeniable.

He opens to mouth to speak, to explain. He does not know where to begin, but he knows that what he did that night is inexcusable and unforgivable, no matter the reason or with whom it was with, even if they weren't exclusive at the time. If he could take back that night, if he could take away all of the pain it has caused, he would do it in a heartbeat. However, he cannot deny that even after everything that has transpired, Rikki has been a true friend to him, never blaming him, never judging him. Even after his drunken confession to her, she has been by his side, listening to him, encouraging him, cheering him on. He belongs with Lindsay. He needs to fight for her, show her what she means to him. He can do it, she knows that he can. It is Rikki's words that have brought him to where he is now with Lindsay.

But Lindsay cuts him off, shaking her head. She does not want to talk, she says. She is tired of talking about the past, it will not change anything; it will not solve their problem any more than it already has. If they are going to try again, if they are going to make it, if they are going to survive, they are going to have to move forward. To move past what has happened. What is done is done. Though there is still pain, though she is still sad and hurt that it was not her that he wanted in his time of need, she is slowly coming to terms. In a strange and perverted way, she is actually glad that he and Rikki were there for each other, that their two broken hearts could help one another heal. And in time, her own heart will heal as well.

He nods in acknowledgment. She kisses him on the cheek. It is late and she doesn't think she can stay awake any longer. Unlike he who has all of tomorrow off, she will be on call in the morning. He offers her his bed; he can sleep out here on the couch, there is no need for her to call a cab at this hour. She looks at him quizzically. How did he plan on holding her as she slept? Through telepathy? Not good enough, they've tried that for the last month. It doesn't work very well. He's coming to bed with her now. Is he coming or not? He cannot help but chuckle at her tirade. Yes, he'll be right behind her after he checks the door and shuts off the lights.

He licks his lips in desire when he sees her walking out of his bathroom wearing his favorite blue oxford. He quietly strips down to his boxer briefs before they climb into bed together. He turns off the light and pulls the covers over them. She patiently waits for him to get comfortable before she molds her body to his. She sighs contently as she throws a smooth leg over his, her fingers playing softly with the contours of his abs, her head lying on his bare torso. He runs his fingers gently through her hair, melting away any tension in her body and making her even sleepier. He could lie like this forever, he is sure of it. Unable to keep her eyes open any longer, Lindsay places a light kiss on his chest before kissing him sweetly on the lips. She mumbles goodnight as she snuggles back into his chest. He kisses the top of her head, wrapping his strong arms around her tighter and wishes her the same.

Danny stares at the ceiling of the darkened room as he strokes her back. The words she spoke about them, about their past, about their future, about Rikki roll over in his head like waves crashing over a beach. He counts his blessings and thanks his lucky stars for having Lindsay in his life, to have found someone as compassionate and graceful as her. He is determined not to let her down this time. He knows that it is by the grace of God that he is getting a second chance with his angel. Lindsay Monroe, his country girl, his Montana, is the only one he yearns for, the only one he needs, the only one he wants to be with. When he hears her snore softly, he whispers into her ear three words he has never uttered to any woman other than his mother.

I love you.


	25. Goodnight Tonight

"Holding me sweetly  
Cozy completely  
Sweaty like babies sleepTonight  
My darling with you

Tonight  
My heart you are stealing  
Tonight  
Nervous with feelingTonight  
Innocent side by side  
Tonight  
I'm dreaming with you"

- The Dollyrots ("Goodnight Tonight")

High above the glow of New York City, the moon and stars shine down upon them as they dream of their future together. The curtains are tightly drawn closed in vain, in hopes of keeping the city's noise and lights out of their cozy cocoon. In a city that never rests, the two broken and bruised souls lay entangled and intertwined, sleeping soundly and dreaming peacefully in his darkened apartment. Though all too soon, the dawn will break and she will eventually leave. But for now, they are in their private heaven, laying in the comfort and safety of each other's arms.

Her head lies on his bare chest, gently rising and falling with every breath that he takes. She lies on her side, one arm wrapped around his powerful bicep. A single toned and shapely leg effectively pins the lower half of his body to the bed. He shows his claim on her by cupping her pert behind, pulling her closely to him. His other arm rests protectively on her arm that is thrown carelessly but territorially across his sculpted torso. Not that he minds. Her petite body molds perfectly to his, thankfully keeping him warm, since she has stolen all of the covers as usual.

Though there are still some uncertainties, though there are still doubts, there is also hope. And that is enough for now. They know that they are not without fault; that no one is. But together, they are right. Despite all of their differences from opinions to backgrounds, they make sense. They are made for each other. From their antagonizing banter grew a friendship that bloomed into something neither can deny. Love. Though it is something they had not expected when they first met, it is what they have found. It is something neither is going to let slip away again without a fight.


End file.
